broccoflower
that last, crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips
grass stains
locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away
opening and sniffing a pack of tennis balls
finding money you didn’t even know you lost
waiters and waitresses who bring free refills without asking
fat baseball players
really, really old tupperware
picking up a q and a u at the same time in scrabble
blowing your nose in the shower
burning churches
eating things past the expiry date
eating the last piece of dessert somebody left at your house
that pile of assorted beers left in your fridge after a party
picking your nose
wearing underwear just out of the dryer
old, dangerous playground equipment
anything that can grow wings
putting the toppings on a hot dog bun before the hot dog
the smell of gasoline
flossing
airplane toilet flushes
stabbing strangers in the face
sleeping in new bed sheets
any food that requires a stack of napkins to eat
real-bearded santas
using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around
tire names
barbecue lighters
illegal naps
living with someone who doesn’t mind killing spiders
flamethrowers
building a stack of pancakes that looks just like the front of the box
the day when you first realize you can drive
when someone offers to toss your dirty clothes in with their load of laundry
being the guy on the construction crew who gets to hold the stop sign
yellow teeth
strategic trick-or-treating
planning for snoozes
the smell of napalm in the morning
being the first person into a really crowded movie theater
the telephone
using rock-paper-scissors to settle anything
sneezing three or more times in a row
rain hair
stealing everything
when cashiers open up new check-out lanes at the grocery store
when someone tells you that you have something in your teeth
hearing a stranger fart in public
big, fat asses
ordering off the menu at fast food restaurants
the man couch
neighbors with pools
the first shower you take after not showering for a really long time
spending all your money on candy
pillows
hugging pillows
using q-tips the way you’re not supposed to use them
somebody flashing their high beams at you to warn you about the cops
the universal fry-sharing policy
terrible businesses run by children
pedo beards and glasses
hot cream and a straight razor on your neck at the barber shop
sweatpants aka track pants aka jogging pants
the smell of rain on a hot sidewalk
perfect parallel-parking on the first try
eating cookies like cookie monster
adrenaline
cocaine
heroine
aspirines
sanfermines
the first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter
wearing sandals when you shouldn’t be wearing sandals
intergenerational dancing
finally getting a piece of popcorn that’s been stuck in your teeth all day out
your colon
eating foods you loved when you were a kid
a really cold glass of water on a really hot day
the runaway truck ramp
lava lamps
watching ‘the price is right’ when you’re at home sick
glass
doing anything that makes you feel like a caveman
getting a trucker to blow their horn
snow days
getting the eyelash out of your eye
hitting a bunch of green lights in a row
when you’re really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket on you
the moment at a concert after the lights go out and before the band comes on stage
the sound of scissors cutting construction paper
when there’s leftover cake in the office kitchen
surprise two-ply
having a whole row by yourself on the plane
hanging your hand out the window of a car
getting served breakfast in bed
when you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio
bakery air
peeling an orange in one shot
when your favorite sports team is in the big nationally televised game
drinking a glass of cold water right after eating ice cream
using all the different shampoos and soaps in someone else’s shower
when you manage to squeeze enough toothpaste out for one last brush
picking scabs
roasting the perfect marshmallow
flipping through the entire bank of posters at the mall when you need to kill time
multitasking while brushing your teeth
the smell of frying onions
playing old-school video games
a pack of matches on the back of the toilet
that feeling you get right after you just vomited
getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail
when the only other person going up in the elevator is going to the same floor as you
orange slices at half-time
taking your shoes and socks off after a really long day
bowling celebrations
really, really tall people
the sound of a solid crack from a good break in billiards
peeing in a pool
talking about how much the meal you’re eating at home would cost at a restaurant
high fiving babies
paying for something with exact change
a plunger when you really need one
ugly actors
a good floss after a tough steak
when someone lands on the hotel you just built in monopoly
getting piggy-backed anywhere
the parking lot pull through
the smell and sound of a campfire
getting in a line just before it gets really long
taking your bra off after wearing it for hours
facial hair experiments
the five second rule
finding a mix tape given to you by an old boyfriend or girlfriend
the feeling of scrunching sand in your feet
finding out your birthday is on a friday or saturday next year
when you get the milk to cereal ratio just right
slurping hot soup on a cold night
snow stepping
snow falling on christmas eve
when the gift receipt is already in the box
when you’re driving late at night on an empty gas tank and suddenly a gas station appears on the horizon
mastering the art of the all-you-can-eat buffet
the perfect egg crack
the laugh echo
not getting a hangover when you were expecting to get one
when the vending machine gives you two things instead of one
playing with a baby and not having to change its diaper
the other side of the pillow
getting the big corner stall in the public bathroom
the perfect chicken wing partner
when you cut off your disgusting big toenail
crying
when your microwave pops microwave popcorn perfectly
the smell of the coffee aisle in the grocery store
your family car growing up
absolute perfect silence
the fetal position
old folks who sit on their porch and wave at you when you walk by
old, classic board games
sneaking mcdonald’s and hiding the evidence
good escalator etiquette
celebrities on sesame street
getting out of the car after a really long trip
when the socks from the dryer all match up perfectly
when the categories on jeopardy! are right in your wheelhouse
popping bubble wrap
really good candy with your bill at a restaurant
the smell of freshly cut grass
pushing those little buttons on the soft drink cup lid
when you push the button for the elevator and it’s already there
saliva
building an amazing couch cushion fort
pouring a drink where the bubbles go right to the top but not over
finally having your ears pop back to normal long after a flight or swim
when someone names their kid after you
salt
smiling and thinking of good friends who are gone
remembering what movie that guy is from
saying the same thing as a sports commentator says just before they say it
when you didn’t play the lottery and your numbers didn’t come up
overly elaborate office pools
finding the tv remote after looking forever
when you find out what was making that horrible smell and get rid of it
when there’s still time left in the parking meter when you pull up
when the public bathroom has paper towels instead of hand dryers
making it out of the bathroom at work before anyone realizes you made it smell that way
the take a penny, leave a penny bowl
when the dentist says you have no cavities
doing something half-assed at the last minute and getting away with it
when the late-night pizza order arrives really, really early
when you nudge the person snoring next to you and it makes them stop
cheesy theme songs from ′s sitcoms
museum gift shops
when you’re drowning and then a dolphin comes to your rescue
getting off an airplane after a long flight
returning to your warm and comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of the night
new socks day
coming home after a long day to the smell of someone cooking dinner
that one really good pen that never gets lost
ducks
the smell of crayons
gym pain
your favorite old, comfy t-shirt
watching something download really fast
when you know your tv remote so well you don’t need to look at the buttons
getting a splinter out of your finger
backseat car windows that go down all the way
when all the blood rushes to your foot after it was asleep for a while
seeing a cop on the side of the road and realizing you’re going the speed limit anyway
the sound of rain from inside the tent
the flying saucer frisbee toss
people you don’t clean up for when they visit
all the food that comes out of a cow
your eyebrows
getting the armrest at the movie theater
seeing someone laugh in their sleep
putting potato chips on a sandwich
the first squeeze from a new tube of toothpaste
the extra time you get when the clocks roll back
getting recognized for doing something you love
falling asleep in the backseat of a car late at night on the drive home
celebrity baby names
when you know all the buttons to speed through the automated telephone system
mixing cookie batter with your bare hands
guys who wear no shirts at cold sporting events
squeezing through a door as it’s shutting without touching it
getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs
when someone unjams the photocopier for you
reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway
when someone holds your keys and wallet in their purse
discovering those little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box
watching your odometer click over a major milestone
when you spill something on your shirt and it doesn’t leave a stain
waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you’ve got lots of sleep time left
grabbing the cereal bowl with both hands and slurping up all the sugary milk
when the thing you were going to buy is already on sale
sneaking under someone else’s umbrella
getting the last copy of the video at the video store
finding the last item of your size at the store
thinking it’s thursday when it’s friday
bedhead all day long
scraping all the lint off an overflowing lint trap
the moment at a restaurant after you see your food coming from the kitchen and before it lands on your table
eating the extra fries at the bottom of the bag
really, really selling it while barbecuing
dropping a glass and then sticking your foot out so it  hits your foot and doesn’t break on the ground
celebrating your pet’s birthday even though they have no idea what’s going on
taking your shoes off on a long car ride
getting the booth side of a restaurant table
when you arrive at the bus stop just as the bus is coming around the corner
getting gas just before the price goes up
when your sneeze stalls for a second and then comes booming out
when the public toilet seat is clean
big crowds enjoying big fireworks
dangling your feet in water
the quiet satisfaction of settling the group bill after dinner
that feeling in your stomach when you go really high on the swings
short acceptance speeches
getting the last piece of sleep out of your eye
when someone gives you their last piece of gum
that smooth feeling on your teeth after you get your braces off
taking your high heels off at the end of the night and walking home in bare feet
the smell of an old hardware store
when a big chunk of earwax randomly falls out of your ear
drinking those little ice crystals floating in your freezing cold glass of coke
the sound of barely frozen puddles cracking when you step on them
when you go out for lunch and come back to a way better parking spot
catching somebody singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them
the smell of play-doh
doing the moonwalk in your socks
when the free bread they bring you at the restaurant is warm
laughing so hard you make no sound at all
taking your glasses or contact lenses off after a long day
an inbox of personal emails when you wake up in the morning
when the baby’s diaper isn’t as bad as you were expecting
passing under a bridge on the highway when it’s pouring rain
interspecies action figure wars
letting go of the gas pump at just the right moment
eating the part of the cookie that fell in the milk
when the lights turn green just as you’re approaching the intersection
placing the last piece of the puzzle
seeing a huge tree and remembering how small it used to be
watching seniors do water aerobics
drinking anything through the little hole in a coffee stirrer
the final seconds of untangling a really big knot
shoving handfuls of popcorn in your mouth really fast and spilling it everywhere
when you sneeze and a stranger says bless you
sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out
rubbing someone’s newly shaved head
looking at how much dirt came off something you just cleaned
changing the channel during a commercial break and then flipping back as the show’s back on
stepping into the shower when it’s already at the perfect temperature
emptying the recycling bin on your computer
when you get home so late the newspaper is already lying at the front door
when little babies let out adult-sized burps
waking up to the smell of sizzling bacon
jumping as many stairs as possible
wearing what you just bought out of the store
the moment at a concert when the crowd figures out what song they’re playing
when you’re sitting in the backseat of a packed car and the driver takes a turn really fast
taking the price tag off in one clean peel
finding the perfect patch of grass to sit on at the park
sucking your stomach in just before the picture is taken
when you hit the point where you’re comfortable farting around each other
making someone laugh when they’ve got a really full mouth
a long hug when you really need it
listening to your new favorite song over and over again
when chopsticks come apart perfectly
actually pointing out a constellation in outer space
walking around with a black eye
screaming at characters in movies to do things
waking up really thirsty in the morning and finding a glass of water you can reach from your bed
eating the crusts of the sandwich first to save the middle part for last
blending fetuses at the abortion clinic
when you flip to a radio station just as a song you love is starting
when the person scratching your back finds that one really itchy spot
when somebody holds the elevator door for you
bailing on a toboggan
turning off all the lights during a thunderstorm
when you open your cell phone and there are a bunch of text messages waiting
taking the stairs beside somebody taking the escalator
being so excited you forget to take your bike helmet off
finding a styrofoam container with last night’s restaurant dinner in your fridge
when your boss leaves early for the day
realizing you’re going to be in the background of someone else’s picture and smiling at the last second
falling asleep when the plane takes off and waking up when it lands
old school sugar cereals
sneaking cheaper candy into the movie theater
when you’re at a full cafeteria and then suddenly spot your friend waving at you
a perfect squeegee job at the gas station
wordless apologies
when your laptop or cell phone is just about to die but you manage to run and plug it in before it completely shuts off
when you’re washing the car and it’s hose time
when you drink from a bottle of water that’s been sitting for a while and you hit the cold, insulated spot in the middle
reuniting a sock from the sock orphanage drawer with its freshly washed, once lost brother or sister
when a stranger walks by and offers to take a photo of you and the person you’re with
vacuuming a dirty carpet and hearing all the tiny rocks going through the hose
cards against humanity
scrabble
walking faster than cars sitting in traffic
tips
giving people what they want
running over old ladies in carmageddon
fitting every last thing in the dishwasher
running for the bus or train and actually catching it
when your roommate goes away for the weekend
fixing your wedgie when no one’s looking
when you drive from a rough road onto a smooth one
stomping dry crunchy leaves on the sidewalk
cartoons for kids
when you suddenly remember it’s a long weekend
when you meet up with a group of friends and they stop talking to celebrate your arrival
memories of mcdonaldland
when the plane suddenly speeds up on the runway
when you get to your seat just as the previews are starting
peeling that thin plastic film off new electronics
when someone compliments your new haircut
using any item within reach to help grab the remote control so you don’t have to move
when the phone rings and it’s someone you were just thinking about
the first couple hours of the roadtrip
moving indoor furniture outdoors
shooing a fly outside without having to kill it
the taste of human blood
when batteries are included
picking all the dried glue off the lid
hilarious last minute halloween costumes
when company events are scheduled on company time
the sound of steaks hitting a hot grill
the surprise left turn arrow
kicking those clumps of frozen slush off the back of your car’s mudflap
being a utterly sick fuck the legal way
whipping down the hill really fast after pedaling hard all the way up
carrying all the groceries in from the car in one big trip
when the amount of toilet paper left on the roll is the exact amount you need
rocking out on air instruments
when your nose is dripping and someone hands you a tissue
when the hiccups stop
tits
butts
boats'n'hoes
the moment on a roller coaster after you get to the top of the first hill and before you go down it
finding something you lost a long time ago after you already gave up looking for it
slowing down
coming back to your own bed after a long trip
the moment you wake up from a nightmare and realize it was all just a dream
when it feels like the lyrics to the song you’re listening to were written just for you
peeling your socks off under the sheets
when your friends working in fast food restaurants give you a little extra
riding home with a box of pizza on your lap
really, really short people
flavor pockets
dissecting live things
the sound of snow crunching under your boots
when the dog’s really excited you’re back home
staying up past your bedtime when you were a kid
selling drugs
singing in the car on the way home from the concert
when the person at the store tells you the thing you’re about to buy is going on sale tomorrow
the feeling of brushing your teeth with a new toothbrush
writing stupid yet deeply philosophical things in public toilet walls
when you win a point in tennis with the ball hitting the net and then dying at the other side
trying to understand what your friend’s saying when you’re underwater
when your friend makes sure you got into the house safe after dropping you off at the end of the night
when you tune the radio station perfectly so there’s absolutely no static
your tongue
finally farting after the guests leave
late-night infomercials
typing in your username and password at the speed of light
plugging in the christmas lights from last year and having them all work
finding hidden compartments in things you already own
when strangers wish you happy holidays
getting your guests to help you move something really heavy
the kids table
christmas hugs
walking on grass with bare feet
when the dj plays your request
setting the new high score on a video game
helping tibetan monks to burn themselves down
getting through it
hitler's moustache
staring ahead at a brand new year
walking around naked when you’re home alone
secretly sniffing your armpits and realizing you don’t stink
when a cop finally passes you after driving behind you for a while
driving on the highway really late at night when the roads are empty
anything on tap
when your windshield wipers match the beat of the song you’re listening to
really bright markers
swapping driver’s licenses with a friend and laughing at each other’s photos
your mom’s scrambled eggs
sitting on your freshly made bed and admiring your work after cleaning your room
wearing a sweatshirt that hasn’t been washed yet
making the first footprint in fresh snow
tossing garbage in the trash can from far away
taking your ponytail out
masturbating in the bus
that one old guy in the grocery store who knows exactly where everything is
figuring out the plot twist just before they reveal it
that one email account you use for all your spam
drawing on steamy mirrors with your fingers
when the guy at the deli counter gives you a free taste
looking at all the hair on the floor after you just got a haircut
finding that chopped off fingernail that sailed across the room before anyone else does
eating the ice cream stuck to the lid of the carton
roleplaying
correctly guessing the actor voicing the animated movie character
looking at the clock and seeing that it’s :
appreciating the beauty of all your body’s scars and scratches
when the guy with a full cart of groceries lets you go ahead because you’re only buying one thing
nudging the shower faucet a little bit hotter then a little bit hotter
that one person who laughs when you tell a really bad joke
learning a new keyboard shortcut
realizing you still remember your childhood friend’s phone number
sex with a cousin
when a little baby gives you a hug before it leaves
sharing your stories with friends
your mom’s love
getting to the light at the end of the tunnel
unforgettable friends
moving forward and moving on
chess
checkers
reversi
go
shogi
martial arts
non-martial arts like painting and stuff
fishing a big piece of lint out of your belly button
watching cream go into coffee
not bumping your head on something you always bump your head on
letting the waves bury your feet at the beach
putting on your most flattering pair of pants
getting off so hard it hurts
getting to mcdonald’s right when they’re switching from breakfast to lunch
getting a stuck ball out of somewhere by using another ball
when you fold a piece of paper so it fits in the envelope perfectly
when you’re in the fastest moving lane in a traffic jam
magnifying glasses
electronics
lockpicking
cubing
playing bass guitar
playing the guitar
playing drums
playing the keyboard
wearing hipster glasses
cops
corrupt bureaucrats
large screens
proper urinal etiquette
staying in your pajamas all day
when a friend returns something they borrowed so long ago that you forgot you owned it
when you went to the gym yesterday
photosynthesis
kissing people in a coma
when your roommate cleans the place while you’re away
school field trip day
when someone gives you an apple but they are secretly trying to kill you
the moment in the shower where you decide to make it a really long shower
finding treasures in your spring jacket pocket
running to the door when your mom or dad comes home from work
watching a movie in the basement with a group of friends
elementary school science fairs
that separate compartment in your stomach for dessert
pretending to do drugs stabbing your arm with a mechanical pencil
wrong colored foods
junk drawers
the tv treasure chest moment
when you open a book to the exact page you were looking for
laughing so hard you start crying
wearing your favorite pair of underwear and nobody knows
when you’re being chased by zombies and suddenly find a hidden stash of guns and ammo
giant morning stretches accompanied by stupid noises
bad endings
catching food in your mouth
taking a spin on a shopping cart
when you find out your new place has a really good shower
the big night nap
catgirls
listening to couples tell you how they met
finally peeing after holding it forever
when your pet notices you’re in a bad mood and comes to see you
the night before a really big day
when romeo and juliet die
when dreams come true
that teacher
when your fries order has a few onion rings stashed in the mix
when you learn a new word and then suddenly start seeing it everywhere
dancing when you’re home alone
calling a mulligan on the day
when a baby falls asleep on you
glue movies
pushing kids off cliffs
watching the death of bambi's mother on repeat
napping with somebody else
that clicking sound of anything winding up
picking up something that turns out to be a lot lighter than you expected
nailing that perfect move in a board game
seeing a license plate from really far away in your home town
anime
manga
peeling that sticky glue off the back of your new credit card
that guy who helps you parallel park
the moment on vacation where you forget what day of the week it is
hanging out with your mom
burning religious texts while someone is reading them
riding your bike really late at night when the streets are completely empty
dropping your cell phone on the sidewalk and then realizing it’s totally fine
riding on someone’s shoulders when you were a kid
when the person you’re meeting is even later than you are
the last couple hours before the weekend
acrobatic snoozing
walking into class and seeing a substitute teacher
fully justifying whatever terrible thing you’re eating
picking the fastest moving line at the grocery store checkout
when local gangs start a bloodbath
photography
making it halfway
melee kills in videogames
when you should have got a parking ticket but didn’t
long comfortable silences between really close friends
the moment after the show ends and before the applause begins
wet dreams
dry dreams
seeing way worse weather on tv somewhere else
when it suddenly just clicks
talking to your steak, then stabbing it in the back
cutting your sandwich into triangles
when that zit growing on your forehead suddenly just disappears
the first text message between new friends
the party save
driving around with the windows down on late summer nights
watching the sports highlights of the game you just finished watching
drying your hands on your pants
fitting into those jeans you haven’t been able to wear for a while
getting through right away when you call a big company
when someone saves you a seat
getting the emergency exit row on the airplane
cat handjobs
do nothing days
when your shoes are tight enough to stay on your foot but loose enough to slide on and off without untying them
licking all the flavor off your fingers
taking friday off
watching soccer and actually seeing a goal
hearing a song that reminds you of someone you love
starting the lawnmower on the first pull
biting off the last piece of the popsicle without losing any of it
when your guests do the dishes even after you told them not to
when someone who doesn’t like pizza crust gives you their pizza crust
flipping tables
when that social event you didn’t want to go to gets canceled
finishing your last exam
ruining children's dreams
the moment at the bar when everyone starts singing together
finally getting the perfect picture
seeing a dog that looks like a dog you know
the moment of anticipation just before the first kiss
guilty pleasure songs
using milk instead of water
when a work friend becomes an outside-of-work friend
when characters in movies visit a place you know
the sound of a cork popping
pain
torturing plants
when you get in the car and notice someone filled up the tank
the childhood super jump
forks
eating literal, actual shit
those rare moments when you’re the only person on the beach
that little hole at the top of your sink that prevents it from overflowing
when your friend returns your book and they actually read it
fantasy books
digging a hole in your mashed potatoes and filling it up with gravy
when you manage to get ready super fast when there’s no time to shower
getting all sweaty and jumping in
picking things up with your feet
somehow waking up at the right time even though you forgot to set your alarm clock
horrible fake accents made by close friends
staying up so late that everything becomes funny
the smell and feel of bedsheets that dried in the sun
walking into a crowded party and locking eyes with someone you know across the room
when your plugged up nostril just suddenly opens up with no warning
extremely smart cockroaches
pulling a weed and getting all the roots with it
driving over a small hill in your car
looking up while underwater
figuring out how we got on this topic
the point on a road trip when you’re really far from where you started and really far from where you’re going
correctly guessing an old password you haven’t used in a while
checking somebody out and not getting busted
your almost name
seeing a plane from another plane
when the subway doors stop right in front of you
food ogling
pizza soulmates
being next
when the crosswalk changes to walk just as you approach it
when those fake flowers turn out to be real
eating ridiculous things for breakfast
baby toes
seeing your reflection in a store front window and liking what you see
cthulhu
blaming your fart on the dog
morgue fridges
ripping off a square of plastic wrap that doesn’t get stuck to itself
when you’re merging into traffic and there’s no traffic to merge into
boat waving
when the foul ball is flying towards you
hanging on
singing the guitar solo
scratching your back on some random thing
correctly guessing if the door is push or pull
carrying the ice cube tray you just filled up all the way back to the freezer without spilling
the sound of water lapping against a dock
when you try cooking something new and everyone likes it
laughing at people with disabilities
when you’re not the new guy anymore
driving home after a long trip and getting all your radio stations back
trying on your new clothes as soon as you get home from the store
the air just before a thunderstorm
when your computer heals itself
edible dishes
kids who dress themselves
dinosaurs
superhero movies
the inlaw nap
being slobby in a hotel room
when someone pronounces your name right on the first try
when someone’s leaving the bathroom at the same time as you so you don’t have to touch the door
seeing a really happy dog out for a walk
perfectly stapling through a thick stack of papers
the sound of dry leaves blowing across an empty parking lot
putting your own shoes back on after going bowling
discovering a shortcut on your way home
holocaust jokes
going to a movie by yourself
eating the first freshly baked cookie from the oven even though it’s way too hot
when the hold music is actually good
when your taxi driver knows all the shortcuts
when your dad checks under your bed and finds no monsters
the first time you get to ride in the front seat of the car
catching the ice cream truck
modern art
when your parents bring you back gifts from a business trip
being waited on hand and foot
going through a revolving door without having to push
when a stranger laughs at a joke between you and a friend
when you think you’re out of clean underwear but then you find one more  pair
double spacing your essay so it takes up way more pages
that one house on your street that gets really, really into halloween
intense post-halloween candy trades
the moon
interspecies erotica
catching up to the car that just passed you at the next red light
actually finishing a bar of soap
hearing someone’s heartbeat
bad school photo trends
finally making it past whatever was causing traffic to slow down
taking your pants off
realizing you still remember the words to a song you haven’t heard in years
finding out someone has the same birthday as you
laughs at a funeral
when you think you’re out of candy but find one more left in the package
umbrella karma
when you pretend to be a total asshole in an art show to piss everyone and you end fitting in perfectly
seeing old people holding hands
backing your car in
finally getting something free off your loyalty card
seeing your hometown skyline appear over the horizon
recess
little kids showing your their muscles
getting dressed out of the dryer or laundry basket
when you get caught in the rain and just don’t care
correctly guessing the secret ingredient
not making plans
the first snowfall of the season
finally cleaning your disgustingly filthy windshield
the wind
running with scissors
when you sneeze and fart at the same time so nobody notices the fart
when the baby crying on your flight finally shuts up
wearing your boyfriend’s sweatshirt
when construction cranes get christmas lights on them
when the neighbor shovels your little patch of the sidewalk
seeing christmas trees through the window
successfully regifting a present to someone who wants it
drinking with grandma
just barely wrapping a gift with that tiny scrap of leftover wrapping paper
putting a santa hat on your pet or grandparent
that moment near the holidays when there’s suddenly cookies, chocolate, and candy everywhere
the super present power shop
when the wrapping paper pattern lines up perfectly when you go to tape it
when the christmas tree gives the only light in the room
lazing on the couch after a big holiday feast
when the inlaws leave
violent video games
finding good reading material in someone else’s bathroom
saying ‘see you next year!’ to everyone on new year’s eve and then laughing hysterically
feeling it in your bones
being the first of your friends to discover the latest internet joke
really hard electronic music
when the bus driver stops the bus to let you off near your home
getting buried under piles of heavy blankets on a cold night
getting the perfect ketchup to fries ratio
sex with horses
catching someone you love admiring you from across the room
the first meal you eat after a cold
the day your cafeteria serves the best food they got
when the dust gets so big you can pick it up with your hand
when someone already highlighted your textbook
clean baby smell
twisting the lid off the jar after nobody else could
the smell of a library
when you hit something with your car and there’s somehow no damage
slipping in the tub but catching yourself at the last second
jumping through the sprinkler in your bathing suit
laughing at a stranger with another stranger
the sound of a freshly cracked egg hitting a hot frying pan
atoms
taking the day off on your birthday
when your friend calls to tell you they got home safe
leaving your belt in your pants for tomorrow
sketching unspeakable nightmares
the perfect long distance shopping cart return
when you can hear it snowing
grabbing a tissue at the last second before sneezing
when someone decorates your locker or cubicle for your birthday
watching bartenders work really fast
showing old people how to do something on a computer
the sound of a train coming into the station
finding out what song is in that commercial
laughing in bed
when you’re sleeping and the sounds around you turn into dreams
joking with the staff
the sniff test
kicking small dogs
wearing pajamas outside of the house
when little kids hit the age where they just start saying hi to everyone
staring into a fire
all the food that comes out of a pig
grandma hair
unpacking the last box
successfully navigating your home in the dark
finally pulling out an ingrown hair
successfully giving someone directions in your home town
singing the national anthem with a big crowd
making a baby laugh
skeletons
location based snacks
successful sheet swooping
rubbing your eyes at the end of a long day
skinny dipping somewhere you shouldn’t be
forgetting you ordered something online and then having it randomly show up
saying yes
finally finding the start of this stupid roll of tape
looking through the little window in the oven
when your child reads you a bedtime story
seeing a dog or cat chasing its own tail
your skin
when the chapters in the book you’re reading are really short
eating the thing you’re cooking while cooking it
sending yourself emails to do stuff in the future
the loudest guy at the game
when little kids get really, really excited
anything really, really heavy
putting garbage in other garbage
the fact that airplanes exist
waiters and waitresses who know the menu really well
sundays
gambling
time travelling
travelling, just not in time
the first warm day of spring
breaking into your own place after realizing you locked yourself out
the stone age
when the music player’s shuffle reads your mind
dogs with jobs
the sound of a golf ball falling into the cup
getting a good locker in high school
car dancing
to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women
when a deadline is extended unexpectedly
the smell of really, really clean air
putting things in your shoe so you don’t forget them later
getting cell phone service back after not having it for a while
the smell of the barbecue
baby to baby love
people who look like their pets
the good kind of stomach butterflies
saying thanks
going to the groceries with your cock out
eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying
when the bass kicks in
that guy who brings treats to work on friday
finding a chocolate egg way after easter
optimistic weather dressers
car races
sports
guns
puns
bad jokes
ninjas
pirates
zombies
medieval douches with overpowered skills
taking your makeup off after wearing it for hours
when none of the peas fall off your fork on the way to your mouth
inventing new words and phrases that only make sense to you
putting a slice of lasagna on a plate and having it stay all together
digging out your own little wading pool of sand when you’re at the beach
drinking anything besides wine out of a wine glass
when you’re looking for a friend at the grocery store and then suddenly spot them at the end of an aisle after running all over the place
cool moms
kids helping their little brother or sister across the street
the catchphrase before the killing
having a staring contest with a baby
when the mug you’re warming up in the microwave stops with the handle pointing towards you
when everyone you’re eating with at the restaurant agrees you made the best choice
being single
that bite with all the toppings in it
sticking your foot in the door just before it closes
when someone calls just to say hi
when you hit that point in the book where you suddenly can’t stop reading
your thinking place
:am conversations with your best friend
when babies grab at your face with their tiny hands
taking note of everything a drunk guy says
throwing non-ball objects to people
drying off in the sun after swimming
when you continue talking through the yawn and your friend actually understands you
flying over mountains
japanese avs
watching the christmas episode of your favorite sitcom in the completely wrong month
when you finally get rid of the thing that’s been rolling around the trunk of your car forever
furiously scratching a mosquito bite even though you know you shouldn’t
peeling a hard boiled egg and getting a big chunk of shell all at once
when you find the spot on the dog that makes its leg go crazy
seeing what comes out of the garden at your new place
when that white noise you didn’t know existed in the background suddenly stops
using your keyless entry remote to find your car in a big parking lot
warm sandals that have been sitting in the sun
when little kids give you their artwork
drinking from the hose
actually squeezing out the right amount of sunblock
putting your ear on someone’s stomach and hearing all the gurgling
when it’s sunny and raining at the same time
eating a taco without anything falling out
airborne hugs
this motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane
fixing stuff
when the guy who borrowed your pen actually gives it back
when you’re walking next to a fence or railing and you stick your finger or a stick in there so it clangs over and over
when one of your paintings or tests makes it onto the fridge
baby dreams
cleaning all that gunk out of your mouse ball
vacuuming up a spider web
when someone returns your wallet
the person lying down at the front of the sports team photo
opening security doors without using your hands
weapons trafficking
when everything you’re cooking gets done at the same time
pulling a shrimp out of its shell with your teeth without the tail breaking off
when you owe someone $and they owe someone else $and they just give $to the person you owe instead
actually making the right amount of spaghetti
that secretary who actually runs things around here
becoming friends with the other guy who doesn’t know anyone here
chugging cold milk after chocolate cake
accidental snorts
burps that taste good
when insects are struggling to do something and you help them
the moment after the lightning and before the thunder
a la moding anything
slavery
that bend in the pipe under the sink
making disgusting slurping noises while eating a juicy peach
anything that gets you really, really sweaty
hoods
that moment just before you fall asleep when you know you’re about to fall asleep
when your friends with kids don’t just talk about their kids
splashing someone beside the pool with a cannonball
hands-free-everything bathrooms
sleep lines
spotting your house from the airplane window
gravy
tripping and realizing no one saw you
getting your id checked when you’re way over the legal age
when you hear someone’s smile over the phone
grandma emails
getting tiny chores done before the microwave dings
when your footsteps line up perfectly with the black and white floor tiles
old people pants
when you walk straight through one of those empty winding lineup things
laugh lines
completely guessing the right answer on a multiple choice test
inventing new foods at the buffet
tennis grunts
when the meeting ends early
the sound of the needle hitting the record
midnight summer walks
homemade dishes at the potluck
the look on someone’s face when they realize they’re on the big screen at the game
shampoo memories
hardcore german porn
when the slow car moving in front of you finally moves out of the way
when you haven’t seen any of the previews before
going really fast over speed bumps at the back of the school bus
sitting on that warm spot where your pet was just sleeping
when a human answers the phone
one-word ingredient lists
a really strange or useful object popping out of someone’s purse right when you need it
correctly guessing which pocket your keys are in while standing at your front door
reading an actual newspaper
discovering you get free internet here
when someone bakes you a cake on your birthday
the moment when the lights dim at the movie theater
when the cashier has extra coupons stashed at the register and uses them just for you
cheesy theme songs from ′s sitcoms
the core of a cinnamon roll
when those little stringy things come off with the banana peel
when you ask the people in front of you if they’re in line and they’re not
seeing baby photos of your boyfriend or girlfriend for the first time
stranger-to-stranger high fives
when you decide to go through a yellow light and the guy behind you goes too
red rover
inspiring graduation speeches
pockets
sticking something under the dinner table leg so it stops wobbling
animal hangouts
laughing when you’re at home by yourself
finding something you lost years ago in the couch cushions
when you finish the shampoo bottle and conditioner bottle at the same time
setting a new record for yourself in anything
really nasty fetishes
hibernation
playing music so loud you lose yourself in it
when the plane touches down on the runway
when someone you haven’t seen in a long time pops into a dream
clean teeth at all costs
whispering reviews of the movie trailers with your friends as they happen
little kids on bikes
when someone brings you a coffee just the way you like it
your first job
babies in halloween costumes
when someone in a movie gets hit in the head or crotch
using nature as a fridge or freezer
when you’re fast forwarding tv and you stop exactly when the show starts
anything served to you sizzling or on fire at a restaurant
watching butter melt on hot toast
crazy bets
driving down an old road with trees that touch and form a canopy over everything
getting the piece of chocolate you wanted from the assorted box
walking into a grocery store and seeing the first shipment of egg nog
finding your name on some tacky souvenir in a gift shop
doing your thing
when the score’s tied up near the end of the game
double dipping amongst friends
a perfectly executed clean twist of an oreo cookie
lying in a beam of sunlight coming through the window
helping blind people cross the road and pretending not to see the truck coming
that one guy who starts the standing ovation
getting away with putting three desserts on your plate
finally unsubscribing from that annoying email you’ve been getting for months
the echo meal
any restaurant where old ladies are doing the cooking
gutsy city animals
finally getting that guy who never dances to dance
the first ten seconds after you turn out the lights and wiggle yourself into a good sleeping position
seeing your parents dance
getting the keys to your first apartment
flicking those coil doorstoppers for no reason
when someone takes care of you when you’re sick
basement couches
when that kid crying in the mall isn’t your kid
correctly spelling that word you always spell wrong
making it through airport security without any beeps
when someone makes the bed with you in it
just staring up into the sky
pinky swears
rogue children
stovetop hypnosis
weird food combinations that only you love
flipping channels and stumbling on that one christmas special you loved as a kid
driving around town to see all the christmas lights
ripping your present open like a wild animal
flushing a toilet with blue water in it
picking the right thing to unplug out of a power bar full of wires
being the oldest grade in school
practicing your signature over and over when no one’s looking
ignoring the doctor's advice
little kids running around going completely insane
finding the right lid in the tupperware cupboard immediately
catching a glimpse of the first parade float coming around the corner
when everything you own is fully charged
pulling a big clump of hair out of the drain
feeling your boyfriend or girlfriend smile while kissing you
foods that no one can eat gracefully
finding an old toy from your childhood
making a wish
when someone compliments you in front of someone you like
games you made up when you were a kid
the honor system
when cats do stupid things
the sun
dads
popping a big zit
shaving breaks
spinning in an office chair for no reason
surprise wildlife sightings
when someone guesses you’re way younger than you actually are
big hair
when the band comes out for an encore
taking all the free stuff from hotel rooms
lineup friends
thick milkshakes and greasy fries at a diner
getting a needle
porn
watching your favorite movie with someone who hasn’t seen it before
homemade coupons
finally figuring out how your hotel shower faucet works
birth
super fast group clean-ups
the moment you realize your headache is finally gone
stupid internet memes
trying to blow things up
nice cops
clicking pens with really strong springs
seeing a big dog sitting in the driver’s seat of a parked car
your first record, tape, or cd
extremely lewd comics
finding out from a doctor or mechanic that nothing’s wrong
seeing old people really get down on the dance floor
fixing electronics by smacking them
blankets
that one really nice guy at work
earth
old people acting like little kids
when there’s ice cream left at the bottom of the cone
your birthday week
when you officially become boyfriend girlfriend
finally remembering where you recognize someone from after staring at them forever
stretching your legs after a really long car ride
watching old school ’s saturday morning cartoons
the first bite of a piece of gum
going through the carwash with little kids
all the things you learned in third grade
the three-paycheck month
fantasies
kindergarten class photos
loot bags
the thank you wave when you let somebody merge in front of you
stars
intergenerational friends
me time
remembering all you’ve learned from old boyfriends and girlfriends
the airport pickup
thinking
staying out till the place shuts down
becoming a regular somewhere
a good turnout on your birthday
the first time a new friend calls you by your nickname
sisters
driving through your old neighborhood and stopping to see the house you grew up in
canada
crossing off the last item on your list
looking back, smiling, and saying thanks
that feeling in your stomach after a really big dump
the last day of school
collapsing into bed when you’re completely, massively exhausted
today
the far corners of your mind
remembering how lucky we are to be here right now
having sex in the doctor's office